Category Archives: Br Ca on Jazz Lit Canvas

9 EZ PZ Ways to Happy Creative life with Special Video Snap of Nonconformity and the Creative Life

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“All our problems and all our unhappiness are created by our uncontrolled mind and our non-virtuous actions. By engaging in the practice of dharma, we can learn to pacify and control our mind, abandon non-virtuous actions and their root cause, and thereby attain permanent peace, the true cessation of all our suffering.” ~ Geshe Langri Tangpa of the Kadampa Lineage

Mindfulness is the Survivor’s greatest weapon when it comes to managing living with cancer and dealing with life’s daily fun filled challenges.  I wish that as part of the entire process after being diagnosed that the Integrative Oncology Wellness team would have been a part of the treatment team sixteen years ago.  This way whatever the treatment plan coordinates so that it involves the mind in the spirit. It was as though my body went through all of the horrifying side effects and the mind and spirit were left in a state of limbo and confusion for extended periods of time.  When the treatment was finished then I was given the all clear but there was nothing for what to do with my life from there with a new body and an unprepared mind.  I was not only going through this alone, I was also my mother’s caregiver and there was no support.  Now I find there is NO support for Survivors who live beyond the extended survival date.  All Wellness Programs relate to those who are undergoing treatment and those that fall outside of that window as I have been and continue to be turned away.  In essence there is no Support or Wellness programs available for survivors over 2 years.  This is WRONG!

So, I had to DYI my life and it was by using Mindfulness to deal with the Stress and to explore myself to find out what makes me happy now living with cancer.  Integrative Oncology didn’t exist in 2000.  Research has shown and Time Magazine has just done a special edition pointing out how Mindfulness is the way to a Happy and Healthy Life.  With that, I, as a neuroscientist, Survivor Advocate, 16 year survivor and writer am LIVING PROOF that mindfulness in conjunction with building a daily practice using jazz improvisational techniques, and for me Poetry is what gets me to Show Up as  Survivor who, through time found a path that some days are good and others not, but, I am not suffering as a result.  Who wouldn’t want a Happy solution….  So here are the 9 EZ steps to putting a little creativity into your way precious and valuable life.

Creativity – is having the ability or power to create.  It is characterized as living in the moment and evokes approaching life with originality or looking at life with a fresh perspective using your imagination and expressing yourself in a style that is uniquely You. Sounds cool right?  So why not live like this every day?  Sometimes the hardest part is taking the first step.

Here are 9 suggested inspired steps to help you start living a creative way of life:

  1. Be willing to try something new.

Step out of your daily routine and did something totally different? Take a dance class, go to a concert or try a new jazz club near you to experience something that is a departure from your normal routine.  Try a new radio station or grab a pencil and start sketching the trees in your own backyard or a park where you see children (they could be yours) take a vegan or gourmet cooking class @ a Natural Food Store to engage in a creative action. Creative thinking and creative action occurs when you decide that you want to jazz up your everyday life.

  1. Create something with your own hands on a regular basis.

Set the table following a layout from your favorite magazine, i.e., I like Coastal Living they have wonderful recipes and table settings that are really festive and different.  Make time to try something new. For example go to the art section of your favorite department store and come up with a theme for the centerpiece with flowers, object, etc.  Check out DYI sites on your computer.  It is a lot of fun when you do it as a family and or friend thing.

  1. Express yourself through movement it could be dancing to music or watch a classic film, game or performing arts of a play or opera. creativeStart a  writingor book club.

You have the option of creating whatever fun filled game board night, or learn a new dance step or routine to break away from your usual nightly routine.  It does not have to cost a lot of money, just use your imagination.

  1. Integrate Creativity into your daily life.

Begin by scheduling time on your calendar for it. You don’t have to go crazy.  Start off with maybe twice a month.  Make it an intention as you would when you are meditating for a positive and productive day.  Chances are you will not consider it foreign or uncomfortable because you are pacing yourself to experience life differently.   Pick your own pace and find Parks and recreation programs that go to Wine Country or Hiking or Ballroom Dancing where there is not a long term commitment and you can sign up without going into debt.  My cable company has dance, yoga, exercise as part of the cable package for free!

  1. Design or make something for your office or your room that is made by you.

Your surroundings are a reflection of your uniqueness. Inspiration is the catalyst for more creativity, grace and character.  So it is wonderful to surround yourself with objects that you make or you find in unusual places.  Hand-made objects evoke vivid memories as well as diversify your experiences.

  1. Find interesting and exotic creative spaces.

Museums, art shows or galleries, outdoor exhibits, theatres and outdoor performances will places remind and cultivate our innate creative abilities.

  1. Take time-outs or break for new inspiration

Inspiration is everywhere!  Check with friends, family, coworkers, etc. suggestions of creative ideas they enjoy.  Get the conversation on creativity going.

  1. Let your creative juices flow and explore everything!

Keep in touch with your creative network.  Dialog and you will both be inspired.

  1. Be a creative outlet.

Talk about unique and unusual experiences to friends, email, start a blog or a Creative Living Circle.  Just be relaxed and free to do whatever suits your fancy.

 At the end of the day, be yourself.  The possibilities are endless.  Just include love, compassion, grace, forgiveness and most of all YOU!  There is no right answer.  Not happy with a choice, just make another one.  And now for a short vid on nonconformity….You are here!  Peace and Love Out!  JBC 😎 & ❤

 

Copyright © 2016 by JM Fuller/Jannat Marie/Jazzybeatchick/. All rights Reserved.

This material has been copyrighted, feel free to share it with others; it can be distributed via social media or pingbacks or added to websites; please do not change the original content and please provide appropriate credit by including the author’s name or visual artist @ https://isurvivorchick.wordpress.com/.  Readers shall not be charged by you under any circumstance for any or all of this content.

Gear Up Breast Cancer Survivors We R about to Kick Life into Full Swing 4 Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

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JazZen4Life is an integrated healing and transformative program that uses Jazz Improvisation techniques with respect to knowing what your talent is; and Zen Mindfulness and the 6 Element Meditations and Blank Space in Healing Arts ~ Poetry (Voices Above The Fray).  You make your own choices—each literary expression reflects one aspect of your personality or experience or dukkha or suffering. Each session will begin with a poem as the trigger or pastiche and through meditation and mindfulness you are guided to intuitively open your mind and your heart to self-discovery. Through various healing art techniques, listening to jazz in many genres to joyfully deepen your understanding of the relationships between your inner and outer worlds; your family/community/world, and then what your experience was like and the choices you have to live a full and happy life.

The  most important part is to start your new life living with cancer would be Self Care.  The oncologist and surgeons did their job of keeping you alive.  Now the staying alive is up to you.  So, for Breast Cancer Month starting this Saturday,  let’s begin with a great website that has an even cooler app.  It is One Green Planet where they have an awesome program called:  30 Days to a Healthier You: A Daily Checklist of Wellness Tips.  I am all set to start Saturday morning as I head out to  Walnut Creek  California for a Lymphedema support group meeting.

JazZen4Life ~ Voices Above the Fray Poetry is the Integrative Poetry Workshop Series component of iSurvivor where you can DYI 2 Write Ur Dream Life using these tecniques. 

“Funny how a melody sounds like a memory.”  By Eric Church

My new beginning always involves finding ways to actualize my dream to be an author was accepting a major aspect of the writing life was solitary confinement .  It has been that way for the past twelve and a half years.   “Wild Dreams of a New Beginning” by Lawrence Ferlinghetti is a poem that spoke directly to my heart.  Acoustic alchemy provided by Herbie Hancock the man who always inspires infinite possibilities in my life,

“Wild Dreams Of A New Beginning”

by Lawrence Ferlinghetti

There’s a breathless hush on the freeway tonight
Beyond the ledges of concrete
restaurants fall into dreams
with candlelight couples
Lost Alexandria still burns
in a billion lightbulbs
Lives cross lives
idling at stoplights
Beyond the cloverleaf turnoffs
‘Souls eat souls in the general emptiness’
A piano concerto comes out a kitchen window
A yogi speaks at Ojai
‘It’s all taking pace in one mind’
On the lawn among the trees
lovers are listening
for the master to tell them they are one
with the universe
Eyes smell flowers and become them
There’s a deathless hush
on the freeway tonight
as a Pacific tidal wave a mile high
sweeps in
Los Angeles breathes its last gas
and sinks into the sea like the Titanic all lights lit
Nine minutes later Willa Cather‘s Nebraska
sinks with it
The sea comes over in Utah
Mormon tabernacles washed away like barnacles
Coyotes are confounded & swim nowhere
An orchestra onstage in Omaha
keeps on playing Handel’s Water Music
Horns fill with water
ans bass players float away on their instruments
clutching them like lovers horizontal
Chicago’s Loop becomes a rollercoaster
Skyscrapers filled like water glasses
Great Lakes mixed with Buddhist brine
Great Books watered down in Evanston
Milwaukee beer topped with sea foam
Beau Fleuve of Buffalo suddenly become salt
Manhatten Island swept clean in sixteen seconds
buried masts of Amsterdam arise
as the great wave sweeps on Eastward
to wash away over-age Camembert Europe
manhatta steaming in sea-vines
the washed land awakes again to wilderness
the only sound a vast thrumming of crickets
a cry of seabirds high over
in empty eternity
as the Hudson retakes its thickets
and Indians reclaim their canoes

7-rules-of-life-image

Copyright © 2016 by JM Fuller/Jannat Marie/Jazzybeatchick/. All rights Reserved.

This material has been copyrighted, feel free to share it with others; it can be distributed via social media or pingbacks or added to websites; please do not change the original content and please provide appropriate credit by including the author’s name or visual artist @ https://isurvivorchick.wordpress.com/.  Readers shall not be charged by you under any circumstance for any or all of this content.

What Do Cancer Survivors and U.S. Veterans believe in common? There is more to being Alive than just Breathing and No, We are not Grateful Living Drenched in an Attitude of “Beggars Can’t be Choosers…”

Homeless-and-Happy
Homeless-and-Happy

Jazz is smooth and cool. Jazz is rage. Jazz flows like water. Jazz never seems to begin or end. Jazz isn’t methodical, but jazz isn’t messy either. Jazz is a conversation, a give and take. Jazz is the connection and communication between musicians. Jazz is abandon.  ~ Nat Wolff

Actually, I don’t know what other survivors think because for the past 20 years I have been living in the margins of American life.  Of course I could blame this on something common like the neuropathy that took me down from a very active and productive life, which I never heard of before. I was paralyzed.  Or maybe the oh so common theme for the baby boomers was it was …”the rents fault” even better the man, anti-establishment, blah, blah blah.

I was born with a successful jazz arranger/conductor father who, you wouldn’t know it by looking at him, was a straight up, no holds barred, chauvinist of the more traditionally drenched deadly type.  He felt that the best way he could protect me from the “bad” things in life was to control mom’s and mine.

He wrote a song for me when I was 4 apparently it was a contract he made with himself to enforce it.  I spent most of my childhood in my room.  Not chained to a radiator but imprisoned by some undefined sense of  guilt, a duty as a daughter and powerless to do otherwise.  I grew up all jazz.  Not complaining, just that it is yet another layer that is so opaque that the truth became buried in pages in the books I read and poetry I wrote for an audience of one.  That changed in 1965 which for me was when I had truly fallen in love with music, words, and the Blank Space of which was filled with wonderful possibilities.

Being a Survivor comes in many layers and over the past twenty years the layers have gotten thicker.   Jazz is all about conversation.  It is when freedom of expression is allowed.  Where being totally present is a requirement.  Well there were three conversations I had with my father,  but this one is the one that not only confirmed my suspicions that this conversation revealed what my father felt about himself.  Ever since I was eleven years old I thought it was my fault that I was not the girl he wrote the song for and if he didn’t love me why should I? What remained in my heart was the last words that clang through my head to this day…  Funny thing I loved him no matter what and followed him everywhere in 1965 like a “mini-me” of him throughout all of the rehearsals and live performance.  But, those words some twenty five years after still cut through my heart with the same fear and anger…

”You brought this on yourself!  I told you that I am only doing what is best for you.  You can’t come back home and stop calling your mother at work you will get her fired.  Welcome to the Harsh Reality of Doing it Your Way!”

I didn’t say a word as the phone lay propped against my quaking chin slippery from the tears that fell from a shackled tree.  My arms lay dead at my side and my legs on fire and numb at the same time.  It was hours before I was set to begin my eight treatments of Plasmapheresis which drained my blood and replaced it with human albumin.  Now this was the only treatment for this neuropathy.  As a neuroscientist  the experiments done in the lab were what I thought were noble,  to find new pathways for nerve growth in spinal chord injuries or regenerating bone cells there was through electromagnetic fields were done on the body without any consideration of what was going on in the patient’s mind and spirit.  It is conceivable to not be concerned when we are talking about dogs, or cats, monkeys or rats.  But humans,  that is where we are now and I am terribly frightened that the Frankenstein syndrome has taken affect.  That life has been reduced to materialistic and is quantified by increasing the years of survival.  So the plan is to keep chasing the cure and forget about the carnage of the survivors left to figure out what to do with the rest of their lives.  Somehow I am having a hard time separating my father’s last words and how I feel when I even think of the word “Survivor”.

Actually, until now, I wish I was given the right and the choice to decide for myself because I am living with the unintended consequences that through no fault of mine I got GBS, Uterine and Breast Cancer, I now have Lymphedema I can’t afford treatment for and of course with being a 62 year old, single, female, missing body parts, weakened and rapidly deteriating neuropathy and being treated and feeling like I should feel lucky that I am alive, I don’t think so…It sucks.  And it is rightfully my choice with respect to the astronomical cost to save my life when I can’t afford to stay alive because of the circumstances.  Nobody seems to care.  They suggest therapy because they have accomplished their goal.  Now the rest is up to me?  NOT!  In the next posts will delve into the mindfulness of being a Survivor or the Secret Life of a Survivor…

So mindfully, Mary Oliver’s poem resonates so loudly in my soul…”Every day, I see or hear something that more or less kills me with delight.”

Mindful
by Mary Oliver

Every Day
I see or hear
something
that more or less

kills me
with delight,
that leaves me
like a needle

in the haystack
of light.
It is what I was born for—
to look, to listen,

to lose myself
inside this soft world—
to instruct myself
over and over

in joy,
and acclamation.
Nor am I talking
about the exceptional,

the fearful, the dreadful,
the very extravagant—
but of the ordinary,
the common, the very drab

the daily presentations.
Oh, good scholar,
I say to myself,
how can you help

but grow wise
with such teachings
as these—
the untrimmable light

of the world,
the ocean’s shine,
the prayers that are made
out of grass?

Copyright © 2016 by JM Fuller/Jannat Marie/Jazzybeatchick/. All rights Reserved.

This material has been copyrighted, feel free to share it with others; it can be distributed via social media or pingbacks or added to websites; please do not change the original content and please provide appropriate credit by including the author’s name or visual artist @ https://isurvivorchick.wordpress.com/.  Readers shall not be charged by you under any circumstance for any or all of this content.

3 EZ PZ Self Care Happy Beats When the Forecast ain’t nothing but the Blues

 

Mindfulness and the techniques I learned from jazz improvisation that my father taught me as well as using my love of literary and visual arts saved my life.  Through developing a practice over the past 25 years, I have learned to rewire my mind through neuroplasticity techniques so that I am not stuck in “Victim” mode feeling more helpless than I did before I received the diagnosis.  I realized that it would have been ideal if there was a Mindfulness meditative or visualization that was introduced in order to start thinking and building a practice that you have control over and will give relief from the stresses of the treatment, but it allows you to be an active participant in your life.  Once the body was taken care of, they give me a big ass smile and a slap on the back telling me that you are all set.  We have saved your life, now, the rest is up to you.  Now, if you have the ideal situation, you know, this whole cancer business is just a dream and I am cured so I can go back to what I was doing.  That is not true in my case.  And beause I am so damn good at taking care of my self, pampering and doing things that before the diagnosis I thought was decadent.

Here are three mindfulness improvisation self care tips that will leave bad habits in the dust and shed light into your life bringing you to your very special happy place.

Here is one of my Happiest Beats from my childhood…

If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Wherever you are — if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that refreshment, that life within you, all the time. ~ Joseph Campbell

Mindfulness is your portal to be present in your daily life. For me mindfulness in concert with techniques from jazz improvisation is a way for me to live creatively in the moment and not emotionally reacting to everything  and everyone. When we live in the present it allows us to let go of the pain of the past and the worries or expectations of the future so we can focus on what we have now. It is not a matter of denial or I will be happy with a million bucks or all of my bills are paid because the price of living is that bills will always be there.  There will always be an expense for living.  Finding gratitude for the things we do, even the smallest thing gives me a sense of peace.  Worry over being able to meet our daily lives takes us out of ourselves and life, then seems like an uphill battle and we lose sight of the present moment.  We get caught up and eventually will disappear from our lives.  Mindfulness gives you the choice of what to focus on and redirects the mind to stop letting the past shape and distort the future and lose the present moment.  You no longer dwell on things you cannot change and rely and react emotionally to them which can be quite exhausting. One of the biggest perks of mindfulness is that you can minimize anxiety and stress. Living in the moment and creatively brings more joy, clarity, wellness and energy.

The best way to cultivate mindfulness is through meditation   So how can you do this?  When you  meditate you can  detach yourself and become a witness or an observer and it will release you to explore ways that work for you.  Now it takes a whole lot of practice and finding a different perspective to help you to find your happy quiet space between those thoughts. You quiet your ego driven, obsessive thinking (“monkey mind”, and start responding instinctively. Meditation allows you to relax and to listen to your inner spirit that will allow your thoughts to detach and flow. This is the Happy Place, where you begin awakening and manifesting your dreams.  You are now in touch with who you really are; with what matters most to you as well as becomes your way of improvising on life  so you face adversity and the challenges in your daily routine imparting your own style.

Here are three mindfulness improvisation tips for self care that will leave bad habits in the dust and shed light into your life bringing you to your very special happy place.

#1: . Get Your Mind into it:  Mindfulness Meditation 

When I started 20 years ago I began  with ten, then fifteen minute meditation twice a day.  First thing in the morning and then again in the evening at the end of your day.   Here is one of my favorites.

Mindfulness Meditation – Quick 15 Min Stress Relief Version

If you want to fold it into your daily routine begin with eating a healthy, balanced diet that would include fresh organic food.  Or how about a walking meditation or yoga class to help you to connect with your body that helps you to center yourself, and find balance?   The benefits are a good night’s sleep that will rejuvenate and detoxify your mind and body.

#2: Taking Good Care of Yourself

Your objective ~ to connect with those things that truly make you happy. Target that thing, place, or activity that creates space every day.  This is not negotiable and a top priority.  A total Ah Ha! Moment!

Block out time in your day—take five minutes or an hour — start with a time frame you are most comfortable with.  Do something you love. Listen to music, read a good book, sit in silence by the water or a fire, or even try dancing in your bare feet in the living room. Give yourself a star on your calendar every time you do it. Believe me, you will feel more inspired and creative.

#3:   Flow with an Attitude of Gratitude

You can start by counting your blessings!  This lets you realize how good your life truly is and connects you with the abundance in your life.  I have found that it attracts more prosperity and is way more rewarding.. Surround yourself with what you think is beautiful, and be grateful for it in your home, your work space, your clothes, I think you get the picture.

I love to take this time and combine it with my nightly 15 minute mindfulness meditation routine just before bed.  It is a perfect way to open your heart and to dream beautiful dreams.  Mind you, I am no spring chicken and that it does not happen overnight.  I am also a late bloomer so some folks get right away and then there are folks like me that work at it until it takes hold and opens your heart and life to the wonders and joy of life’s possibility.  Give it a go.  Peace and love out!

Copyright © 2016 by JM Fuller/Jannat Marie/Jazzybeatchick/. All rights Reserved.

This material has been copyrighted, feel free to share it with others; it can be distributed via social media or pingbacks or added to websites; please do not change the original content and please provide appropriate credit by including the author’s name or visual artist @ https://isurvivorchick.wordpress.com/.  Readers shall not be charged by you under any circumstance for any or all of this content.

Back To the Future ~Monterey Jazz Festival 2016 Remembering the Terror featuring “A Terror is More Certain . . . By Bob Kaufman”

 

Forty years ago today, large sections of South Los Angeles went up in flames. The violence and looting came to be known as the Watts riots. The chaos was a precursor to the urban unrest other cities would soon experience. In a few moments, we’ll hear from a man who continues to activism that sprang from the 1965 riots, but, first, some history. ~ Adolfo Guzman Lopez, Reporter for KPCC

Where were you when the Watts riots dropped the Tsunami of hate, violence, and most of all fear and pierced the veil of the Depression and the 50’s through the Industrial Revolution and the Information technology of Left Brainers sans the Compassion.  It was just a matter of time before the Mind-Spirit portion of our Humanness becomes awakened to the unintended consequences of miracles and breakthroughs to automate and replace people.  It has been over twenty years since Ihave been a survivor and the longer I survive the worse it gets.  People nowadays get that glazed look on their face when you say you are a survivor.  I first was in sensed because when the time came and I put my DNR into place and when it came time at 2:32 am on November 20, 2000 for me to be rolled back into the operating room and me stopping the gurney by holding onto the door frame “Wait, I have a DNR!  Where the hell are we going?”  Through her mask, “…let go, your mom rescinded it.”  “Mom, what the He** is going on?  Can’t you just let me go?  After ten excruciatingly dizzying beats, “Not Now!”

That was my Fourth Noble Truth,  that  I figured out in my memoir where using jazz improvisation techniques, mindfulness meditations and literary and visual arts have saved my life.  It was 1965 that kicked it all into motion and that is why I thought that sharing in the Freedom Beats companion would prove how I regard my breast cancer journey on a jazz lit canvas.  The memories I seem to remember were having the feeling of helplessness, fear and at eleven years old, that was some pretty deep stuff.  That is why I selected Bob Kaufman’s A Terror is More Certain  capturing how listening to Angel City Blues the song beginning light and deliberations to an absolute terror filled frenzy of destruction and loss.  What feelings do you experience when you listen?  Peace Out!

A Terror is More Certain . . .

By Bob Kaufman

A terror is more certain than all the rare desirable popular songs I
know, than even now when all of my myths have become . . . , & walk
around in black shiny galoshes & carry dirty laundry to & fro, & read
great books & don’t know criminals intimately, & publish fat books of
the month & have wifeys that are lousy in bed & never realize how
bad my writing is because i am poor & symbolize myself.

A certain desirable is more terror to me than all that’s rare. How
come they don’t give an academic award to all the movie stars that
die? they’re still acting, ain’t they? even if they are dead, it should
not be held against them, after all they still have the public on their
side, how would you like to be a dead movie star & have people sit-
ting on your grave?

A rare me is more certain than desirable, that’s all the terror, there
are too many basketball players in this world & too much progress
in the burial industry, lets have old fashioned funerals & stand
around & forgive & borrow wet handkerchiefs, & sneak out for
drinks & help load the guy into the wagon, & feel sad & make a
date with the widow & believe we don’t see all of the people sink-
ing into the subways going to basketball games & designing baby
sitters at Madison Square Garden.

A certain me is desirable, what is so rare as air in a Poem, why can’t
i write a foreign movie like all the other boys my age, I confess to all
the crimes committed during the month of April, but not to save
my own neck, which is adjustable, & telescopes into any size noose,
I’m doing it to save Gertrude Stein’s reputation, who is secretly
flying model airplanes for the underground railroad stern gang of
oz, & is the favorite in all the bouts . . . not officially opened yet
Holland tunnel is the one who writes untrue phone numbers.

A desirable poem is more rare than rare, & terror is certain, who
wants to be a poet & work a twenty four hour shift, they never ask
you first, who wants to listen to the radiator play string quartets all
night. I want to be allowed not to be, suppose a man wants to
swing on the kiddie swings, should people be allowed to stab him
with queer looks & drag him off to bed & its no fun on top of a
lady when her hair is full of shiny little machines & your a**
reflected in that television screen, who wants to be a poet if you
f**k on t.v. & all those cowboys watching.

Bob Kaufman, “A Terror is More Certain . . .” from Cranial GuitarCopyright © 1996 by Eileen Kaufman. Reprinted by permission of Coffee House Press. http://www.coffeehousepress.org

Source: Cranial Guitar (Coffee House Press, 1996)

Copyright © 2016 by JM Fuller/Jannat Marie/Jazzybeatchick/. All rights Reserved.

This material has been copyrighted, feel free to share it with others; it can be distributed via social media or pingbacks or added to websites; please do not change the original content and please provide appropriate credit by including the author’s name or visual artist @ https://isurvivorchick.wordpress.com/.  Readers shall not be charged by you under any circumstance for any or all of this content.

Welcome!

“Breathing in, I see myself

as still water.

Breathing out,  I reflect

things as they

are  Thich Nhat Hanh

This is my 1st post for this new blog.  I am nervous.  I ask for mercy.  My name is JM Fuller (nom de plume) aka  Jazzybeatchick.  I am a mixed, late blooming, Boomer Breast Cancer “Super” Survivor chick living with a neuropathy and Lymphedema who loves to write books I would love to read and scripts that I would watch.  They are honest, concerned with real lives, human hearts, spiritual transformation, memories, families, secrets, wonder, and craziness—most of all that makes me laugh. Falling into the depths of racism, life’s tribulation and grief, I chose to write stories and scripts that would include community, simplicity and nature. Books, for me, are music for my soul.

Breast Cancer first dropped into my life in 1997 when my mother’s returned after 13 years in remission.  Three years later in 2000 I was diagnosed.  My first major illness was Guillain Barré Syndrome (“GBS”) in 1990, an autoimmune neuropathy similar to MS.   Just 4 months after my release from the hospital I was rushed back to the Emergency Room and had to have emergency surgery for what I now know was uterine cancer, but in 1991, very little research on genetic implications had been done with respect to female cancers.   Now I am living with Lymphedema and the deteriorating neuropathy the hardest challenge of my life as a non white female, cut down in career prime, living on a limited income dealing with the psychosocial effects of Breast Cancer and finding a way to Renew, Reboot and to do an Encore filled to the gills living a Happy and Healthy and Meaningful Life.

iSurvivor | Zen of a Self Made Life  is my new blog where my memories are cast on a literary substrate that creates a portal to finding meaning in my life using mindfulness jazz improvisational techniques that I learned from my father.  My instruments are words, mixed media arts.  I have to play the utterances that manifest when listening to the sounds that are translated into words.  ife after cancer treatment through mindfulness, improvisation, as a portal to living your best life.  It is my dream to create a special and unique place especially designed for breast cancer survivors from underserved areas , that would consist of a sponsored weekend for them and a guest on the Northern California Coast featuring workshops, Jazz improvisation, focus groups, delicious cuisine and classes, mindfulness, meditation walks and exercises, yoga, Dharma & Healing Arts projects where exploring and discovering ways to use all of your senses to Rest, Rejuvenate, Restore so that you can live the life that is waiting for you.

I have completed the first draft of a Literary Companion entitled Breast Cancer on a Jazz Lit Canvas:  The Healing & Transformative Powers of Improvisation  in homage to my father Gil Fuller’s  20 year Reunion with Dizzy Gillespie & James Moody  entitled: Dizzy Gillespie & James Moody with Gil Fuller the Monterey Jazz Festival Orchestra 2007 Digital Remaster.  This Companion is set in Los Angeles and Monterey, California during the 1960’s Jazz scene.  It captures the Civil Rights and Women’s movement; the intensified racial unrest of the Watts riots; insuperable barriers of chauvinism; the coming-of-age story that addresses the difficulty of loss and betrayal and identity.   It is an invitation to the inside world of a racially mixed girl growing up with a renown jazz conductor and arranger who secretly wrote to cope with being “off-white” and adversities and her battle with Breast Cancer and a deteriorating neuropathy to pursue her gift and passion for writing as her art form that saved and healed her at 62 years of age.

I hope that you will join me on this journey and will share your feedback, comments and insights,  I will gladly return the kindness as well.  The next post will  be an excerpt from the Prelude… Till then, In Joy ‘n Lite, JM

iSurvivor

by JM Fuller

I don’t care if cancer exist nor how many cures they seek.

I am curious to know if you have discovered

Who You truly are or

are you still trying to fit in and pretend  you’re cured

or maybe it never happened!

I am curious to know if you have suffered and ceded control enough or

Do you hear it in our children?

Are you living in the world?

or are you of this world?

Cloaked with its bedazzled oppressive nexus

making you conform when reflecting

through fine tuned sensitive ears,

Proclaiming THIS IS WHO I AM!

Are you improvising how to

thrive in this cultural inferno by

leaning in to the center of your dreams

Accepting to live in every precious moment

remaining profoundly rooted in a universal love

being fully aware you can consciously re-Create

dismissing all of the misguided missives

that originated in cancer’s most treacherous Cultural deceitful wake.

The war is over and the battle eclipses every aspect until

your consciousness is raised and

the reunion of mind-body-spirit is celebrated,

beginning a transformative healing process that

empowers you to become who you

were destined to be.

9/8/16

Peace Out!